Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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