oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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