I heard we made out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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