what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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