I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
