So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
