Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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