I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
