since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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