I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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