Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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