I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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