You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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