It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
