Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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