I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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