if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
