are you still at the devil's house?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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