Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
