In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
