I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
