Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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