The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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