3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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