I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
