Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
