she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
