He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
