4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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