I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
