I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
