CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
