hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
