She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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