I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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