this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this is an emotional support booty call
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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