when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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