Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
40s are totally the cure
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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