You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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