tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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