I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
