I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
barbara walters just said penis...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
