you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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