he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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