I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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