so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
