On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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