I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize