Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
