Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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