So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
