I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
