Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
