Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize