You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
