At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
