I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
