I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
