I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
