Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
