i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
