Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
