i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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