I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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