3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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