using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
