What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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