Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
