is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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