I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
