anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
