I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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