You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
