9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
