Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
