I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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