I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
