oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
