I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
