i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
